Decide what to be and go be it
That day that has always been a rumor off in the far-flung future has finally arrived. I’ve reached my 10,957th day. For a lot of people, I think that turning 30 is seen as a difficult transition; not necessarily a welcomed portal through the calendars. However, I welcome and fully embrace my 30’s. It has taken me a long time to find a happiness and comfort within myself. I’ve wrestled with demons and specters that I had invited in on my own. And only now, as my 20’s sunset and my 30’s blossom, can I actually say that I am where I belong. I have arrived, and life has never been as inciting. I have my twin sons to thank, Owen and Parker, I have only known them for 10 weeks, they’ve molded my life in a way that no other human beings could have. They’ve been a revelation of happiness, responsibility, and untethered love. I really couldn’t fully realize what my entire life was about until I was able to hold all of it in my arms and sing it to sleep.
And, for more than reasons of pure biology, I could have never arrived at this point of completeness without my best friend and partner, Jessica. I struggle to find the words that can encapsulate enough emotion and raw feelings to show her how I appreciate and adore her for all that she’s brought to my life. I stammer when I describe how everything she has done for me, intentional or not, has built upon itself to bring me to this point, and I feel as though I stand among the moon and stars, atop the world… and all because of her. Without her, I am not. There is no grad school, no Cottage Grove, no sons. The simple, unyielding love of a good woman has been the soil of my life, and all that has grown belongs to her.
As well, I owe a tremendous amount to my parents who have given me my start. My dad, who showed my how to be man but to do so without the brashness and narcissistic ways that seem to be revered today. He showed me tenderness and love, and how to apply to all of those that surround me. He has also faithfully acted as my confidant, my support, and, in the many times I’ve needed it, my voice of reason. My mom, who demanded and expected more of me that I knew, relentlessly showing me how my potential was at risk of languishing, and how my slothfulness was unfit for me, physically and beyond. As well as infecting me with the passion for cooking, writing, and running–with a couple of those changing my life in a profound and needed way.
To family, friends, and coworkers, who have helped me in times and ways that you may never fully realize. Making me laugh, making me feel special and important when I needed any of those, despite never saying as much.
Each and every one of you own a piece of my 30 years. No matter if that piece is big or small, it is a piece of me, and it adds up to what you see in front of you. I hope I have made you proud to own that piece, and I hope to have been deserving of the care that you have given it.
My one wish, as the 30th candle is blown out, is for my sons to have their hearts to be so engorged with the love and affection from their lives and the people in at 30, as mine is at this very minute.
With much love, fidelity and with good humor: Thank you.