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the further I go, more letters from home never arrive

This is why I shouldn’t be shut off from humanity for days at a time, I tend to dwell in my own meta-cognition–see below:Maybe I am just absorbing of some of the “oh man, my life is going to be changing drastically” feelings from my sister and her move to college. I’ve spent a couple of nights with sleepless beginnings trying to figure out how every thing is supposed to work out. Moving, jobs, money, houses, and morgages… it’s all just too much adult stuff. It’s hard to believe that it is all coming closer and closer with every morning, I think that’s why I’ve been sleeping in until 11, my little rebellion against being a grown up, at least for 2 hours every day. I am still constantly surprised that no one is shocked about me becoming a teacher… I was always expecting, “dude, you’re a goof off” or “I thought you had to have a higher maturity level than the kids you teach”. As well, I could just be dwelling in the same feelings I do at every major diviation from my comfortable known universe. There is a certain safety in that, yet, there is a massive swelling of excitement about what’s to come. Mostly that I want my own house. Nothing awe-inspiring, just a nice three story farm house with very wide square posts that border the porch–that’s all I’m asking for. Personally, (and I’ve probably said this before) I don’t think that I look like an adult, to be accurate, I think that I look like some awkward form of man-boy. a moy. Sometimes I really wonder how successful I can be in the face of a world that seems already past capacity for people.

Then I think, screw it–I’ll give it a good try.