Blog Archives

Please don’t skydive or fire weapons while asleep

From 10pm to 6am last night, I was asleep. Giving me 8 hours of completely restless sleep marked with weird dreams.

I’m not sure why, but in my first dream of the night I was aboard a commercial jet. Eventually, myself and another person were sucked out of the open door of the aircraft and tossed out into a free-fall above an ocean. We must have been pretty high up because I fell for a long time. Through the whole fall, I remember thinking how painful the impact with the waters of the ocean was going to be. Re calling conversations about how water is as soft as concrete a fast speeds.  As the waters came closer and closer, I was already beginning to wince as hard as I could. Then the impact came.

It had the sound of a quick step into a puddle and I was left floating on the ocean. Eventually I ended up in a room with Jess, where she was completely thankful that I was alive and did not do my part to become little bits of food for plankton.

Which brought me into the second half of my dream. As Jess and I were sitting there conversing over how not dead I was, I saw a three pairs of headlights pull up outside of the building we were in. My cellphone rang and it was my father-in-law telling me that people were coming by the house and that their intentions were not good.

So Jess, her brother Danny (I’m not sure when he came into the room) and I gathered up our weapons to defend ourselves. Jess and Danny had shotguns and rifles, I had a single shot old-time pistol, something you’d see a pirate carrying around. It was hand carved and rusty.

As the attackers came up the stairs to we were, the gunfire ensued and we had ourselves a gun battle. Shortly after the bullets started flying, I was able to wrestle one of the attackers to the floor in a ‘half-nelson’.

Eventually, because of my perfect use of a wrestling move I’ve never tried, the other attackers wither gave up or were equally beaten without any bloodshed. Because we are decent people or because we felt bad for them, we ended up having dinner together. They were loosely handcuffed as they spooned soup into their mouths. After that, we walked them off to be incarcerated.

I have two ideas about the origins of these dreams:

Origin #1: I’ve been playing too close of attention to the recently resolved Somalian Pirate news story and replicated it into my dreams. (see: Navy SEALS parachute out to see to save captain, snipers, etc.)

Origin #2: My subconscious is telling me that no matter how bad things may seem like they could be, they’ll turn out better than I expected.

Ok, maybe there’s a third option: It’s my subconscious telling me that no matter how bad things get, I’m invincible.

Puppy Dreams

We had an interesting alarm clock last night around two in the morning.  mooseFrom a deep sleep, Jess and I were jolted awake to howling.  This time, it wasn’t me doing something strange in my sleep, it was Moose.  Apparently, Moose was having a bad dream or a dream where near a fire engine siren.

I said, “Moose!” and he woke up and blinked a couple times, obviously just as confused as I was; he recoiled himself and went back to bed.

We couldn’t get mad at the dog for that, with out heartrates racing, we had a good laugh and went back to bed.  Just for the record, howling is not a good thing to wake up to.

May the Vilanch be with you

It was kind of difficult to fall asleep last night; after 15 minutes of laying in bed, I got stuck on a thought.  For some reason, my mind decided to plan ahead just incase I need to attend a costume party.  I had the distinct thought that if I needed to dress up, it would be a great idea to adorn myself as Bruce Vilanch’s face.  Some very detailed plans were laid out just prior to falling asleep. 

Some people lay awake a night with the desire to improve society and technology running through their minds… myself, on the other hand, I try to absorb former Hollywood Squares fan favorites in to my life.

Bruce Vilanch

You’ve got bills to feed and mouths to pay

What a horrible night of sleep. I am starting to believe the no one has creepier dreams than myself. The night started off with a dream infested (literally) with millions of bugs. These bugs looked like blood laden ticks and they were swarming every where. My least favorite was when I was drinking my milk and I noticed that it was tasting funny, so I looked in the milk and at the bottom of the cup were about ten of these bugs. I think the dream eventually became ridiculous when they crawled into the head of one of my friends–his then went *pop*. I think that woke me up the first time.

Then came the next dream which didn’t involve any bugs, milk, or exploding heads. I was dreaming that I was teaching and some of the class were being real jerks. Many of the people in the class were people I had not seen in years. Anyway, the class was being rowdy and I was getting unusually ticked off. It is always a weird sensation when you wake up from a dream extremely mad and then you realized that it was just a dream, and that a grown-up Pakistani student (this was in high school) didn’t just release your class a half hour after the morning bell.

I think I need a psychologist. or a drink.

close the door it’s much too scary

So I have a problem. I’ll admit, that to a degree, I am fairly a normal guy. But, there is weirdness that lurks in the heart of men. My problem is that when ever I am at my parents’, I wake up early in the morning (2ish – 3ish) and the faint glow of the street lamp on the lawn always makes me think it has snowed. Regardless of the current season, for those first couple blissful moments, I think that I could go for some snowman making or at least a snowball fight. This happens almost every time.

I’m weird. consistently so.