Blog Archives

how does it feel to be on your own?

I’m in seclusion. My human contact is limited to my trips to safeway every other day. It is kind of nice having my world be quite and manageable.Not much has been going on, went to the U of O football season opener. We won’t discuss how it turned out. But I do have to mention, that it is amazing to have seats that are about four rows back from field. We’re right over the play-clock on the right side of the field across from duckvision. However, it did seem to be the geriatric section. For most of the people there, my age could divide into theirs at least three times. Contrary to the saying, it does rain at Autzen stadium and it did so during the game. I was drenched, but thanks to my super powers of being a human furnace, I was dry long before the disappointing, disheartening, no moral victory here, ending. It was fun though.

That following Monday made a trip to the Doggie Dip. This is a yearly event where they open up the Clackamas pool to dogs. All sorts of dogs were jumping into the pool, running through the waves, chasing down tennis balls in the water. And then there is my parents’ dog, Tolley, who managed to stay out of the pool the entire time. Driest dog at the pool. it’s so shameful. Even the bulldog wearing a life doggie-life preserver was in the pool. Anyways, there were two therapy dogs at the swim–they were some of the most placid, calmest dogs I have ever met. Here’s a picture of me getting some therapy. Don’t be fooled, despite the badge, these aren’t attack dogs. At least, I don’t think they were therapy attack dogs. But, you know that isn’t a bad idea–after these dogs track down and wrestle the bad guys to the ground, they can visit them in the hospital when they are recovering from their bites. Enjoy.


…but the hills of Iowa make me wish that I could

Happy belated New Year. The year we just saw out provided me with a wide view of everything, it seems much to massive to try to remember everything that I considered important at certain moments. Actually it seems very overwhelming, when did my life become so cluttered and full? Arg. What ever happened to the feeling of emotional freedom, now I see the ties to ever action of every person… I just want ties to a few people around me. Once again, arg… definitely arg.
My winter break was less than extraordinary, being pulled in between happiness, sadness, and anger; all of which ended up in a aura of confusion. There were very many times that I was very happy during break, but as it is, there was the opposite, the many times I felt sad and angry. The anger I won’t go into, but more importantly my sadness resided with Max. I’ve already emptied out on that subject, but it is still sad… which i think is a good sign.
My happiness, on the other hand, was due in part to four people: Mom, Dad, Meagan, and of course Jessica. My parents are my personal champions, nothing like a good fight with a University to bring the family together. We really stuck together and I believe that shows that we might be just as screwed up as any other family, but when the metaphorical feces hits the metaphorical fan nobody is more cohesive than the four of us. And Meagan, she has really surprised me; for a while now I thought young teenagers were devoid of any empathy or emotion beyond their own wants, but Meagan showed me that I was wrong. She actually told me that what was happening to me made her feel bad, out of all the people that told me same thing, it meant the most coming from her. She is well on her way to becoming a good person.
Jessica… She is truly my saving grace. The many hours I spent angry or sad she was still steadfast in making me feel better, she is good at that. I am sure if I did not have her companionship right now I would be an amazing ball of anger, sadness, and loneliness but she is definitely an anchor. Nothing made me feel better than visiting her for four days in Bend. I cannot convey how much I needed that, I didn’t know it myself but in retrospect it was a great therapy. I enjoyed helping out on her ranch, especially feeding the cattle. I got to ride in the back of a trailer and throw hay. Jessica and her mom took me on one of the best walks I will ever claim to have ever been on. Going on a walk is great in itself, but there is something about walking in snow that makes the moment have a hint of mysticism. Though heading back home was a very hard thing for me to do, as my bus pulled away from Jessica a voice in my head said “what are you doing, you idiot?” Up until then I’ve never had an urge to jump from a bus.

And finally, my happiness can also be contributed to Tolley, my family’s new dog. Half Mastiff half Newfoundland. This dog is and will be huge. His mother and father were 150 and 200 pounds respectively. He is a smart dog too, he’s picked up the skill of not peeing on the living room carpe